Carrying Jesus Cross The Pain experienced under the anointing by Sis Tan Chui Swan
24 Feb
On 26 Oct 2008 night after the service, when Pastor Paul asked me whether I want to have the anointing of carrying the cross – however, I was not ready. I need to consider this very carefully as this means a lot to me. Am I willing to let go of everything and follow the Lord’s way? There is no turning back for me – is my mind, my heart, my thoughts in the correct way?
Thanks God that He let me heard a Chinese song “Mandate” by Ezra worship in Praise 2. The Lord used this song to prepare my heart and finally a week later, I told the Lord “I’m willing”. I kept reminding myself “He must become greater, I must become less” – John 3:30 to build up my faith…
After our worship practice on the night of Wed, 5 Nov, after Pastor Paul released the power of The Sword’s anointing on me, the power of God came upon my body and I started to bend. I couldn’t stand straight. Suddenly my right hand seemed to be carrying something and a very heavy weight was on my back. Oh! In my heart I asked God whether this is the day? It was already quite late and I was about to go home. The more I struggled, the heavier the Cross. In order to be obedient, I repented and tell the Lord “I am willing to carry His cross”.
I began to feel His pain – of helplessness, loneliness, rejection by people and even God Himself! The burden of sin was so heavy beyond words. One of our sisters cried, mourned and wailed like the woman mentioned in Luke 23:27-29. I then climbed to this sister, comforted her and gave her a hug – I was still under the anointing.
Thank you Jesus for giving me this experience. It not only strengthens my faith, it also helps me to trust Him and be more courageous to face the challenges ahead. I am now more sensitive to the Holy Spirit. The Lord has given me 2 angels with me and I also know their name.
Now, I can tell The Lord is greater, I am less. Amen!
背上十架（第1章）
當保羅牧師在10月26號星期天的晚上問我要不要背十架的恩膏之时，已有两位姐妹正在領受。我當時的感覺是還不是時候，要回去禱告和深思。我本身認為這是一件非常嚴肅的事情，我必須確定“自己”已經準備好要背上耶穌的十架，因我知道这是沒有回頭路。我的心是否有掙扎？我的思緒是否正確？而且不是好玩的事情，我是必须带着甘心愿意的心放下一切來跟耶穌走十架的路。
感谢天上的父让我在祷告时听到这首歌“使命”（以斯拉专辑2），让我能因着这首诗歌深思“自己”是否准备好。我牢记着约翰3：30 “他必兴旺，我必衰微”的经文-坚固我的信心。一星期后，我很肯定告诉天父“我愿意”。
我等待着天父的时间，就在一个星期三的晚上（11月5日），當保羅牧師行在圣灵恩膏时，他向我射出三支属灵的劍，这劍带着很大的力量進入我的灵的层面，我不知道神賜下什麼，只是彎著腰，然后兩手好像拉著東西在右邊，我的背好像有很重的物件壓下。哦！心想不會是今天吧，心里又開始掙扎，因为練習完主日崇拜的诗歌，時間已经很晚了，我的心很想要回家。虽然如此，我還是順服神把十架背上。在背的過程中，我感受到耶穌的心情- 無助，孤單，悲痛，被遺棄，藐視的感覺；他背上世界全人类的罪，真的是很沉重，这是無法用言語可形容得“重”。我聽到一位姐妹的凄凉的哭泣聲，就好像耶穌聽見那些婦女為他號哭（路23：27-29）。我就慢慢地爬向那位姐妹，就好像代表耶稣去安慰她，过了一段时间，她的哭聲渐渐停了下来，我感覺是结束的時候了，然后說了一句“成了” （約19：30），我就昏睡了。當我醒來時，腦里一片空白，什么都想不起，只想睡覺。
第二天，我感覺特別的清新，好像換了另外一個人，信心加倍速增。我的心灵里拥有“更多的神，且更少的我”，对主聖靈的感應更加敏銳，更加的感受到有二位天使在我身旁守護着我。我那充满对神感恩的心是無語形容。
天父啊！求你來使用我這微小的器皿來完成你的大事吧! Amen.
24 Feb
On 26 Oct 2008 night after the service, when Pastor Paul asked me whether I want to have the anointing of carrying the cross – however, I was not ready. I need to consider this very carefully as this means a lot to me. Am I willing to let go of everything and follow the Lord’s way? There is no turning back for me – is my mind, my heart, my thoughts in the correct way?
Thanks God that He let me heard a Chinese song “Mandate” by Ezra worship in Praise 2. The Lord used this song to prepare my heart and finally a week later, I told the Lord “I’m willing”. I kept reminding myself “He must become greater, I must become less” – John 3:30 to build up my faith…
After our worship practice on the night of Wed, 5 Nov, after Pastor Paul released the power of The Sword’s anointing on me, the power of God came upon my body and I started to bend. I couldn’t stand straight. Suddenly my right hand seemed to be carrying something and a very heavy weight was on my back. Oh! In my heart I asked God whether this is the day? It was already quite late and I was about to go home. The more I struggled, the heavier the Cross. In order to be obedient, I repented and tell the Lord “I am willing to carry His cross”.
I began to feel His pain – of helplessness, loneliness, rejection by people and even God Himself! The burden of sin was so heavy beyond words. One of our sisters cried, mourned and wailed like the woman mentioned in Luke 23:27-29. I then climbed to this sister, comforted her and gave her a hug – I was still under the anointing.
Thank you Jesus for giving me this experience. It not only strengthens my faith, it also helps me to trust Him and be more courageous to face the challenges ahead. I am now more sensitive to the Holy Spirit. The Lord has given me 2 angels with me and I also know their name.
Now, I can tell The Lord is greater, I am less. Amen!
背上十架（第1章）
當保羅牧師在10月26號星期天的晚上問我要不要背十架的恩膏之时，已有两位姐妹正在領受。我當時的感覺是還不是時候，要回去禱告和深思。我本身認為這是一件非常嚴肅的事情，我必須確定“自己”已經準備好要背上耶穌的十架，因我知道这是沒有回頭路。我的心是否有掙扎？我的思緒是否正確？而且不是好玩的事情，我是必须带着甘心愿意的心放下一切來跟耶穌走十架的路。
感谢天上的父让我在祷告时听到这首歌“使命”（以斯拉专辑2），让我能因着这首诗歌深思“自己”是否准备好。我牢记着约翰3：30 “他必兴旺，我必衰微”的经文-坚固我的信心。一星期后，我很肯定告诉天父“我愿意”。
我等待着天父的时间，就在一个星期三的晚上（11月5日），當保羅牧師行在圣灵恩膏时，他向我射出三支属灵的劍，这劍带着很大的力量進入我的灵的层面，我不知道神賜下什麼，只是彎著腰，然后兩手好像拉著東西在右邊，我的背好像有很重的物件壓下。哦！心想不會是今天吧，心里又開始掙扎，因为練習完主日崇拜的诗歌，時間已经很晚了，我的心很想要回家。虽然如此，我還是順服神把十架背上。在背的過程中，我感受到耶穌的心情- 無助，孤單，悲痛，被遺棄，藐視的感覺；他背上世界全人类的罪，真的是很沉重，这是無法用言語可形容得“重”。我聽到一位姐妹的凄凉的哭泣聲，就好像耶穌聽見那些婦女為他號哭（路23：27-29）。我就慢慢地爬向那位姐妹，就好像代表耶稣去安慰她，过了一段时间，她的哭聲渐渐停了下来，我感覺是结束的時候了，然后說了一句“成了” （約19：30），我就昏睡了。當我醒來時，腦里一片空白，什么都想不起，只想睡覺。
第二天，我感覺特別的清新，好像換了另外一個人，信心加倍速增。我的心灵里拥有“更多的神，且更少的我”，对主聖靈的感應更加敏銳，更加的感受到有二位天使在我身旁守護着我。我那充满对神感恩的心是無語形容。
天父啊！求你來使用我這微小的器皿來完成你的大事吧! Amen.
